Lori, You’re Going to be a STAR!

I believe I have mentioned my former career in amateur competitive roller skating. My obsession with roller skating began when I saw the outfits that Melissa from church got to wear during her competitions. Oh! The lace! The rhinestones! The flutter hems!

After my first lesson, I became convinced of my destiny. I was headed for the big time: The Keystone State Games! And one day, it was inevitable, they’d make roller skating an Olympic sport. I’d be a (chunky) vision in a lavender sweetheart neckline with pointed sleeves. Oh yes, I was on the path to greatness, skating over anyone who tried to get in my way. Did it matter that my father had to do janitorial work at the skating rink to pay for my obsession? It would just make my biopic more interesting.

I used my toe stop to catapult me ever higher through jumps like the loop, the salchow, even the axel. I could spin until the people watching got dizzy. And boys, I have the medals to prove it. I was a Queen of the Rink, I owned it and they all knew it. Me and the other cool girls made up “routines” to such classics as the Tiffany version of I Think We’re Alone Now and every Debbie Gibson song, so that we could impress all the troglodytes who came to the public sessions and had to wear rental skates.

The broken nose that I got slamming into the back of someone’s head during a race? HA! That only enhanced my cool factor. Yes, that is my blood soaked into the floorboards. Yeah, you wish you were me.

And you just wait. One of these days, inline skates will go the way of the LeCar and real skating will come to the forefront once again. That, my friends, is when I stage my comeback.

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A blog about my life and other stuff.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

Dorothy Parker, Not So Deep as a Well (1937)


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