Lori, you can be such a bitch!

I don’t usually post much about work anymore, but this is too funny not to share. And the only person it reflects badly on is me, so I figured it would be OK.

I have a dreaded duty at work. It’s slightly outside of the normal scope of things I do, and I really don’t have any expertise at it. Unlike the majority of what I do here, it’s something I don’t enjoy. Hey, it’s not a bad deal to have a job where you only have to do one thing you don’t like, is it?

Anyway, I got an internal call this morning from a co-worker asking me to change something having to do with this duty. She wasn’t presumptious about it at all, something just needed to be done. So I pleasantly tell her, sure, give me 5 minutes and it will be done. Like I’m supposed to do. Well then evil Lori appears as soon as I am off speaker phone. “Are you f-ing ridiculous,” I say aloud. “I mean seriously, all you have to do is _____, it would take five seconds but you have to call and ask me to do it.” In other words I was being completely and unreasonably grumpy about a simple request which I could have done in the time it took me to bitch about it. I look over at my phone and it still says “Call from ______”.

*faint* *panic* I quickly hang up, but it’s too late. One of my favorite people in the office has heard me say she’s f-ing ridiculous and it’s not like I meant it, evil Lori had taken over my body. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?????

I’m a girl, right? So I decide I’ll cry. Crying always works with women of her generation. I run down to her office summoning all the sniffles I can muster on short notice. I slip into her office with my head down. “I’m so sorry, I’ve had a really bad day.” (True, in so far as it goes, and I’m absolutely ashamed of myself at this point.) “Awwww,” she says and gets up from her desk and gives me a hug. “What are you sorry for, what did you do? Can I help you with anything?”

Oh blessed relief. Somehow she didn’t hear that outburst of mine. How she didn’t I don’t know but SHE DID NOT. Safe. Safe and even more ashamed of myself after hearing her ask me what she can do for me!

That’ll learn you, you silly little girl.

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Lori

A blog about my life and other stuff.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

Dorothy Parker, Not So Deep as a Well (1937)