Archive for November, 2004

Wealth is Double-Edged Sword

Recently I came into a little bit of money. It’s not a lot, really, but my checking account has rarely seen amounts with 4 digits, so it seems like a lot to me. Unfortunately, most of it is accounted for: I’m going to do the responsible thing and put the majority of it toward my credit debt. Not a fun way to use it, but hey, I must have had fun using the credit card, right? Not that I even remember what I bought at this point.

A small part of the money will be spent on a plane ticket. Now listen carefully, because here is where the double-edge comes in. Two people, well actually a group of people and then another separate person have been hoping I would come visit. One is my friend Paul in England. I’d love to spend some time with him, and going to England post-breakup is a very important step for me, I think. My Austinites have also been clamouring. I haven’t been back to Austin since I moved in August of 2001. I miss them, including monkeybro.

Now ususally, as I have stated in other posts, I can find a ticket to Heathrow for quite a bit less than one to Austin. Now that Southwest is flying out out of Philly (Phlying out of Philly?) I can get a ticket for $99 each way to Austin. The ticket into London was around $400. The trip to England also requires more time off work. I think, this time, Austin wins. I’m just afraid that Paul is going to be mad at me, or think that I don’t really want to come. I just can’t use up $400 of that money when I have debts to pay off. I hope he understands.

I’ll still keep my eye on flights into the UK, I promise. And I’ll start saving.

Fun Fact: Chow Mein is for old people

Went out for Chinese today with the boys. Boys, meaning 7 of the engineers. Waiter (eerily reminiscent of the guy in “A Christmas Story”) came over to take our orders. He went down the line and got to Brian. Brian ordered No. 2, the Chicken Chow Mein. The waiter began waving his arms. “No, no!” he shouted. “You not get No. 2, No. 2 is for old people, No. 2 is no good, you no want No. 2.” Brian, a bit shocked but still surprisingly composed, said. “Oh. Really?”

“Yes, you never get No. 2, No. 2 is for very very old.”

“Oh. OK, I’ll have No. 10 I guess.”

The waiter smiled happily and went to the other end of the table to get the rest of our orders. We were all trying very hard not to laugh while we made our choices.

Mr. Waiter had turned on his heel and was about to walk away, when he apparently decided that we needed further edification. “Back in Chang dynasty. People came here on boat. They were hungry. They have no food for long time. They go to houses of other Chinese people and say ‘I am hungry, you give me food.’ Poor Chinese people say, I have only this left over, they put it in pot and give it to man from off boat. That is Chow Mein. Chow Mein no good. Chow Mein for very very old. You not find Chow Mein on any menu in Chinatown.”

So how friggin’ interesting is that? See. You just have to listen and be open to learning. What a cool waiter!

Your Blog as a Mirror

Before I started blogging I would go about normally from day to day, week to week. Some days went faster than others, some weeks were more exciting than others. I took it all in stride. Now I’m rolodexing through my life trying to find things to write about.

A boring week translates into writer’s block, which is kind of depressing. I suppose I could turn to finding an interesting link on the web and posting it, or writing some sort of commentary on current events…but that would really take away from my “the world revolves around me” stance.

A brief overview of the Boring Life of Lori could go something like this right now:

  • We’ve decided to go to my dad’s sister’s for Thanksgiving. I’m glad about this. We’ll get to be with family (recent years past—not counting last year— it’s been mom and me eating a turkey breast) including my Grandmom from Queens. I love to get her talking about how easy it is to get lost in NYC. It never fails that she says, in her un-imiatatable Brooklyn accent: “You got a mouth? You gotta mouth, you’re never lost. You’re never lost if you gotta mouth.” I love her! We’ll also probably tell funny stories about my dad, which I love. Talking about him doesn’t really make me sad anymore, and I love to hear about what he was like when he was little.
  • Apparently, my brother and his wife (the other one, not monkeybro) are separated, at least temporarily. This makes me sad, as I love them both, and my two nephews, but I probably won’t post much on it. It’s their story to tell or not as they choose, not mine to broadcast.
  • I’m earning some extra money editing one of the engineer’s Ph.D. dissertation. I can only read about 10 pages of it at a time before I want to slice my throat with a butter knife. It’s not badly written, but there are all kinds of medical terms. It’s hard to concentrate on something you don’t understand, although it is possible to edit the grammar and syntax.
  • My ex-roommate is withholding my $550 security deposit, apparently because I sat on her couch and didn’t vacuum as often as she thought I should have. We’ll see about that. I fought Hyundai’s machine, surely I can win against a diminuitive blonde.
  • My supervisor is pregnant. Not being a fan of child-rearing myself, I am, however, very excited for her. And I do like babies. It’s when they start to form their own personality that I start to disassociate from them. I bought her a hard book of Good Night Moon. I hope she comes back after her maternity leave!

And so it goes, and so it goes. I’m actually starting to feel the teensiest bit Christmassy.

Me and my Job

Many of you know I edit reports. I see some choice things, but this one has to take the cake. This particular person is a really good guy, by all accounts, but. . .well, you’ll see (I’ve put “blank” in some places just to CMA, but any prepositions or words that seem to be missing, really are):

“I also examined the underside the blank blank this revealed that the exterior of the blank was damaged significantly more than the underside under-side which would in the blank was no coming from the blank blank itself.”

This author is much more degreed than me, in case you were wondering.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Pumpkin

Two radio stations in the greater Philadelphia area started playing Christmas music 24/7 on November 1st. People….this is a brilliant move and a great conspiracy between the retail chains and the radio stations (which are probably all owned by the same parent company) to get you to start buying Christmas presents now. You’ll buy more that way, you know. You’ll think the gift you purchased on November 2nd is perfect for your significant other, but when you see something on November 19th, you’ll have to get that too, and you still have a whole month to see another PERFECT gift and buy that. Consume consume consume, and it’s all because they got you singing “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” before your jack o’ lantern molded.

Universal Truth #34 & 35

34. Getting in at 3am on Monday morning when you have to get up at 6 for work is not smart, even if it was your birthday on Sunday.

35. Beer Goggles are real. Martini/Beer/Tequila/Wine Goggles are really more of a blindfold.

A Pilfered List of Universal Truths

This one was one of those things that gets forwarded to you, so I have no idea who to credit. Or maybe I got it a long time ago off my friend Kirsty’s Blog? See, now if they’d have copyrighted it…

I have highlighted those that I’ve found especially brilliant.

Universal Truths

  1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
  2. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying
  3. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your beer-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger’s.
  4. You’re never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green potato chips
  5. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly
  6. Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
  7. You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your backyard.
  8. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
  9. You never know where to look when eating a banana
  10. It’s impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
  11. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
  12. Rummaging in an overgrown backyard will always turn up a bouncy ball.
  13. You always feel a bit scared when petting horses.
  14. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into their school.
  15. The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call your teacher mom or dad.
  16. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
  17. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
  18. Every guy has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed halfway through and then raced against the flush.
  19. Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
  20. It’s impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee.
  21. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
  22. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
  23. You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
  24. There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
  25. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers
  26. You never run out of salt.
  27. The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
  28. People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard.
  29. You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
  30. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
  31. Bricks are horrible to carry.
  32. In every plate of french fries there is a bad fry.
  33. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Lori

A blog about my life and other stuff.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

Dorothy Parker, Not So Deep as a Well (1937)